C'est La Vie
What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be. Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy. And I use these words pretty loosely. There's so much more to life than words..
Things I love
Thursday, May 31, 2007
One of the guys at my bar said (I kid you not) ... "I found a peanut today, but I think it was rotten."
So I started singing the above named song, and he looked at me really funny and asked if I made it up.
I asked the other folks around if they knew it, and they had never heard of it either... how crazy!!!
So, for those of you who are not familiar with this song, it is sung to the tune of Clementine...
The lyrics can be found here:
There are some possible variations on the lyrics as I remember them, but this is a good version including all the major parts. So, enjoy. It was one of our favorite road trip songs growing up, my brothers and I, which I'm sure upset my parents greatly.
Apparently Southerners don't like it, perhaps because of the reference to h - e- double - hockey - sticks ...
Also, Chapel Hill area may be out entirely at this point, for all I know.. so many people there I would've loved to visit with, but not in contact with any except Dawn (out of town), so I will probably not be stopping in... if you are in that area and want me to visit, please let me know. Who knows, if there's a good concert at Cat's Cradle or somewhere there, I may well stop in anyway.
I will probably not be staying in the area for Stacey's wedding, so that I can have more time on my trip with people I have known longer and seen less recently.
Those are my trip updates. More to come as I know them.
Friday, May 25, 2007It can be found here. During all of my interactions in the International Relations class this past semester, which was basically two to three hours of listening to a few people bash President Bush and most people bash the war or the state of the modern military (though very few negative comments about the troops themselves were made, especially after they all knew I was one), the concept in this article is what I tried to get across. The idea that we are there for the Iraqis and that "with authority comes responsibility", as is said in military leadership training... and that "authority, accountability, responsibility make a triangle of leadership"... as one of many large and well-off nations, we have a responsibility to help those who cannot help themselves --- within our boundaries as well as outside of it. We most of us came from somewhere else, and we can't just say because we happened to be born on this soil that we just wish everyone else luck and leave it at that. I mean, hey, why do you think we have so many immigrants? Wouldn't it be better to help improve quality of life in other areas so that those who desire to stay in their native culture (or to move to that other area) have the option without risking the safety and well-being of their family? Good friggin ness, it just seems so logical to me!
Here is a rough draft of my trip plans, subject to change with or without notice:
July fourth and surrounding, Kansas City/Ft. Riley with Karnini, Bethanini, Joshalini, hopefully Paularini, and whoever else is around for it.... I really hope to see Jana (my third-grade-and-on best friend) since it's been a year and a half, and she lives in Kansas City at the moment. I've never been to Kansas City. There's apparently something magical about the area since it shows up an the music/lyrics/liner notes of most of the musicians I listen to.
The week after, still planning. I think my goodbye party at my bar will be the Monday night after July fourth. I will either then head out on my road trip or stick around for Stacey's wedding the following Friday, and then head out. I'll be staying with friends most likely since I hope to have already moved out of my place by the end of June so that I can use my rent money (and, really crossing my fingers, my returned deposit) on my trip.... THAT would make for a really nice trip. I may visit S. FL or my Gramps' in between my return from KC and leaving on my road trip.
I THINK that this is the general order of events:
Atlanta for a day or so... since Renee and Darin have moved, I think it'll be the Naylors a little and Lisa and Matt that I'll be visiting on this trip... remind me, though, if I'm just not thinking straight.
(wherever Sarah lives, which I think is near Charlotte....) for a day or so
(Raleigh/Durham area) for at least dinner or a couple of days, depending on how many folks from there I can get in touch with ..... Dawn, it may be just you at this point, unless you know of anyone else in the area I used to know who would want to see me... Give me a call or shoot me a line sometime if you'll be around and we can get together...
Lynchburg, of course, and probably for about a week. I won't begin to list names, here, but I am really excited about seeing all the kids I used to babysit as they are much bigger and changed, and all the youth I used to work with who are now either adults or darn near it.... And all the family and friends I had there who I miss so much.
DC area... of course, Barbara and Bernard. Maybe Jammin' Java. Maybe some other friends and folk there. Who do I still know in that area besides them? ... So there for a relaxing couple of days or so to enjoy a good halfwayish point in the trip...
Somewhere in PA to visit Kcaarin and her gi-normous family... really not as gi-normous in light of all the other families of the same size or larger sprung out of Grace at this point, but it seems so big since I haven't seen her since she only had one kid.... or maybe it was two... I think I met Silvan, no? ... so that for at least a day...
Boston for a few days, for my cousins and uncle and the sites and home. I love Boston.
Falcon Ridge folk fest for Sat and Sun
Book it back home, and maybe one last trip to S. Fl to say goodbye to my niece and all them
Then sometime in early to mid August I'll be leaving.
It'll be a lot of driving (which is why I am SO glad I have a brand new car to travel in) and a whirlwind trip, but I'll have plenty of time to rest as I recover from jet lag, I imagine.
It just started pouring here, which is great if it's reaching the local fires, but also means I'm going to hope it's sprinkling or dry in a little bit when I'm ready to go home...
So, that's my tentative plan, but I've still got to firm it up in some places.
Let me know (now that I have comments, that's a lot easier) if you'll be able to participate!
In other news... I just saw Randall Goodgame and his wife in Orlando last week, confirming that they are not only one of my favorite pairs to see in concert but also two of the nicest people ever. It was SO nice catching up with them. A few beautiful new songs (covers/versions and originals) and great performances of previously released songs. It was really exactly what I needed ...
And now that House, NCIS, Veronica Mars, and Gray's Anatomy are all done for the summer (and let me tell you that those were four really incredible season and/or series finales), since those were the only shows I really watched, I have even more time to study for my CLEPs. And my college already did everything they could to help me meet the graduation requirements under unusual circumstances, which just adds more brownies to the pile of why I love this school. I could have just transferred my credits and gone straight for a bachelor's somewhere, but I really wanted diploma with this school's name on it. I really, really like this one. It's a gem.
And I'm going to see Meg, Jesse, and and Enocha this weekend. And I am really excited about that.
And I'm going to ... well, actually, I think that's all my major news between now and my trip.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Granted, there is a stereotype associated with community college students, and many are not the most educated or the most literate to be sure. Some who are more educated or literate don't graduate at the Associates level, but transfer directly or just decide they don't need a degree afterall, so that may account for some of the folks not taking the test. But still and all, I was just shocked.
So then the front receptionist asked how I did when I was leaving, and I said, "Great, I guess. Two wrong in all." She was REALLY surprised and said, "so no retaking anything?!"
I love modern education.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
The narrow-minded superiorist in my international relations class accused me directly today of not being able to articulate my opinions on matters.
I have been told lots of other things about myself recently that I never would have expected a few years ago. I think some of it is a natural part of growing older. Some of it is who I have become due to my military life and to so many changes and upcoming changes. Some of it is adapting to my surroundings moment-by-moment.
I am half the size I used to be, and I think that's true of my personality as well --- not that it is any form of smaller or weaker (I'm actually a bazillion times stronger than I was before even if much skinnier), but less pronounced and a different shape.
I am interested in how it will be when I go home for a while after over two years of absence, getting back around my old friends and family-like loved ones.
I am even more interested in how I will be a few more years from now, hopefully still motivated to work out and hopefully still constantly being aware of myself and trying to prune off the old branches if they're not really needed anymore.
Not officially just yet, but most likely. So, East coast including my old hometown, my olderest hometown, and at least three of my favorite other towns... you know where you are. I may try to hit the folkinest fest in NY for the first time ever as a big musical sendoff, and I may head out towards the midwestern region and my favorite inhabitants thereof, except that you are so daggone spreadout..... so, please converge, maybe at Beth and Josh's or at Paul and Kaly's, and we'll see about a few days' stint out that way.
I'll be keeping you updated as I am, which is (obviously) often without much notice.
Things are up. This semester's over. Not around long enough to take another class. Will be CLEPing some before I go, but I still have to find out if I can get a science lab somewhere or if I need to wait until I get back to get my associates.
I think my International Relations teacher got a little softer when I was around. He's one I'll be keeping in touch with. And my photography teacher, whether he wants to or not. :)
So, I've got a lot to do before now and then. An awful lot. And it's all got to go an awful lot faster than it would've had to.
Tomorrow: passport photos. It's about time I had a personal passport, considering my penchant for travel and all.... now that I've got the money, there's a good gift to myself.
Tomorrow night: Derek Webb and some folks playing a show. Later this month, and even more exciting for me personally, Randall Goodgame. I wish I couldn't helped get his tour a stop here, but at least it's not too far.
There we go.
Hippie: (after hearing Max wants to avoid the draft)You still have options man.
"So how do i do normal
"It's been known for a train to jump its track. It's ok, so you'll know, most times they come back. It's ok to lose your life, when you finally see your birth. It's ok to say, "I love you," and figure sometimes it's gonna hurt.
"As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes, all exciting at first, but then by the end you're sick of 'em!"
"Hey, this is weird! I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don't happen to like frozen yogurt, do you?" "I love it!" "You're kidding! What a crazy random happenstance!"
"Only one more trip," said a gallant seaman,
"It was Flannery O'Connor who said that 'grace must wound before it heals.' Her words help me to separate what is most true about life from the things we want to be true. We want life to be painless. True grace is a hard sell because in order for the human heart to understand forgiveness and love, it must first experience darkness and isolation. A life lived under the rule of grace is a life of need which allows us to receive an appreciate the gift of the giver of grace. This is why we will always have the poor with us; this is why God will not allow us to ignore injustice; this is why we are called to a life we cannot handle alone, which can and will break us in the effort to live it -- because grace must wound before it heals."
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
I thought Christmas Day would never come. But it's here at last, so Mom and Dad, the waiting's finally done. And you gotta get up, you gotta get up, you gotta get up, it's Christmas morning.
O little town of Bethlehem,
Walk humbly, son
Strings of lights above the bed
"In a little while I'll feel better
"Please tell me once again that You love me. That You love me. Please tell me once again that I matter to You and You really care. Please tell me once again that You're with me, forever. It's not that I could ever doubt you, I just love the way it sounds. I just love the way it sounds."
"Every once in a while, a bannerzen posts."
"7:30. What kind of people have to be at work at 7:30?"
have you seen my love
Traveling is significant because it takes so much effort. Either you're going to some place you love, or you're leaving some place you love. Usually it's both.
I think I have Bond's ability to get into trouble but not his ability to get out of it. Someday I'll be in some foreign country with 5 thugs with automatic rifles pointed at me, and I'll just.... fart
"You had no alternative .. We must work in the world. The world is thus." --- "No .. Thus have we made the world."
The summer ends and we wonder where we are And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car And you both look so young And last night was hard, you said You packed up every room And then you cried and went to bed But today you closed the door and said "We have to get a move on. It's just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead, We push ourselves ahead."
Looking out the bedroom at this snowy TV.. ever since commencement, no one's asking 'bout me. But I bet before the night falls, I could catch the late bus.. take small provisions and this Beethoven bust. I could find work in the outskirts of the city, eat some fish on the way.. befriend an old dog for a roadside pal, find a nice couch to stay -- a pull-out sofa, if you please!"
Ooh! Get me away from here I'm dying
"The trouble with folks like Brownie is they hold their life in like a bakebean fart at a Baptist cookout and only let it slip out sideways a little at a time when they think there's nobody noticing. Now that's the last thing on earth the Almighty intended. He intended all the life a man's got inside him, he should live it out just as free and strong and natural as a bird."
"Life is a phantasmagoria .. It is a pell-mell of confused and tumultuous scenes. We try in vain to find a purpose - to bring an order, a unity to life. I suppose that is the appeal of art. Art is the blending of the real and the unreal, the conquering of nature. It is real enough for it to reflect life, but has the unity that life lacks."
"in time memories fade.
I've always had this feeling about Patty that she's complex and intriguing...I like Patty alot. She's got a good heart and tells terrible squirrel jokes.
"Try to remember that world-weariness isn't necessarily a bad thing. In the book of Mark, I think its Mark, Jesus looks at a blind man and sighs. Jesus sighed before even telling the man he would be healed. He sighed, and I'm not sure that there's a much more human expression of frustration than this. Faced with the horrid picture of a cursed earth and looking into the white eyes of a man blind from the day he was born, He sighed. The Creator of the universe in human form was sad "of the evils of this world," the world He created. Your Creator sighed for you in the same way before He healed you and made you His."
After the last secret's told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that's just too hard
There is love
-- Andrew Peterson, After the Last Tear Falls
"when you most need people, you don't need perfection - just to know someone gives a damn"
"My brother's always [telling me], 'You should be more mysterious--boys like that.' But I'm not good at that. It would just make me more uncomfortable."
"Loners want to kill you, but not for any particular reason, and they'd probably like you if they weren't being guided by the violent voices in their head."
"No one wants to oil a snake these days!"
Her mom: "We're all safe."
-- Jamie Bevill and her mother during Christmas-Decorating dinner, December 20, 2002
i'd throw out all my shoes
i'd set up cans for friends
to dump their shoes senseless shoes
a pioneer of callouses
lordy-be and bless my soul
i'd be a barefoot spaceman
the first you'd ever know"
"The best way to have God's will for your life is to have no will of your own!"
"Generations circle and each one atones. The sins of the father are seperate from my own. In Pilgrim's Progress, it's forgiveness that makes whole, and as time levels and consoles, I place the daisies in your bowl."
"For a moment he just stared at her. Then, with an urf-urf-urf of laughter, he turned back to the controls."
"It's on the internet.. so, then, it must be true."
"Be at least as interested in what people can become as you are in what they have been."
Blessed be the rock stars!"
Get up for the shower.. wash and scrub and scour every part as if a cleaner man could better bear the shame..
"She was eating gnarly amounts of calcium."
Homeless man to girl trying to give him money: "No, thanks, ma'am. I never work on Sundays."
"Wow! I never thought I'd need a radar-guided spatula!"
"Isn't it great that I articulate? Isn't it grand that you can understand? ... I can talk, I can talk, I can talk!"
I believe that people laugh at coincidence as a way of relegating it to the realm of the absurd and of therefore not having to take seriously the possibility that there is a lot more going on in our lives than we either know or care to know... I suspect that part of it, anyway, is that every once and so often we hear a whisper from the wings that goes something like this: "You've turned up in the right place at the right time. You're doing fine. Don't ever think that you've been forgotten.
When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of "No answer." It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, "Peace, child; you don't understand."
CCM: You've spoken a lot more about crying than I ever thought you would.
"Youth is not a period of time. It is a state of mind, a result of the will, a quality of the imagination, a victory of courage over timidity, of the taste for adventure over the love of comfort. A man doesn't grow old because he has lived a certain number of years. A man grows old when he deserts his ideal. The years may wrinkle his skin, but deserting his ideal wrinkles his soul. Preoccuptaions, fears, doubts, and despair are the enemies which slowly bow us toward earth and turn us into dust before death. You will remain young as long as you are open to what is beautiful, good, and great; receptive to the messages of other men and women, of nature and of God. If one day you should become bitter, pessimistic, and gnawed by despair, may God have mercy on your old man's soul."
""Don't go matchmaking for me, Ilse," said Emily wit a faint smile... "I feel in my bones that I shall achieve old-maidenhood, which is an entirely different thing from having old-maidenhood thrust upon you."
"I wish Aunt Elizabeth would let me go to Shrewsbury, but I fear she never will. She feels she can't trust me out of her sight because my mother eloped. But she need not be afraid I will ever elope. I have made up my mind that I will never marry. I shall be wedded to my art"
"Tomorrow seems like a long ways away. But it will come, just like any other day... Deep inside, where the wounded creatures hide, I am afraid. Maybe I got lost somewhere along the way somehow. Please rescue me... Yea, though I walk through the valley of the dark shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me... Though I fear, though I am afraid, You are with me. Though I'm angry, tired, broken down and confused, You are with me. Though I sin like I've never sinned before, lose myself right out an open door, You are with me."
"The invisible people agreed about everything. Indeed most of their remarks were the sort it would not be easy to disagree with: "What I always say is, when a chap's hungry, he likes some victuals," or "Getting dark now; always does at night," or even "Ah, you've come over the water. Powerful wet stuff, ain't it?"" -- C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
"When People object... that if Jesus was God as well as Man, then He had an unfair advantage which deprives Him for them of all value, it seems to me as if a man struggling in the water should refuse a rope thrown to him by another who had one foot on the bank, saying, "Oh but you had an unfair advantage." It is because of His advantage that He can help."
"But, you know, as a Christian, one of the big questions you always ask yourself is, "So we believe in Jesus, we believe in the teachings of the church, but what does that look like when it's lived out?" Because surely, one of the things that Jesus said that I think we often overlook is, "The person who hears my words and does them is like the wise man who built his house on the rock." He didn't say "the person who hears my words and thinks about 'em" or "whoever hears my words and agrees with it." But he said, "Whoever hears it and does it."
"find that which gives you breath and grants you more to give
"I have packed all my belongings. I don't belong here anymore. This pair of sandles, one pack to carry, this old guitar and this tattered old Bible. And I know I won't be afraid. 'cause I know, I know Home is where You are."
"Open up your weepy eyes, everyone is dancing. Angels peer through sweet disguise, through a fire of cleansing.
"You may be bruised and torn and broken, but
"I don't deserve to speak, and they don't deserve
to hear it. It's makin' me believe that it's not
"Kickin' against these goads sure did cut up my
feet. Didn't your hands get bloody as you washed
"They say God blessed us with plenty. I say
you?re blessed with poverty. ?Cause you never
stop to wonder whether earth is just a little
better than the Land of the Free"
"Computers will know everything in the 21st
century. They'll be like me in the 20th