I'm not allowed to visit any non-official websites at work now. Even after hours. From any work computer, that is. Grr.

So tonight I just checked my email in that "at least once a month so it doesn't get deleted or frozen" kinda way. The only one I even opened was one from Jana, who I've been close to since third grade. We were best friends through high school, and contact (because of both of our transient lives) has been sporadic and incredible since.. that she was able to track me down after a couple of years and we've been able to keep in touch since. It's been easier since I joined the Navy, though, somehow.

I've been spending a lot of time recently thinking about the good and bad things from relationships (platonic or otherwise) I've had with guys in the past. For example, Jim (with whom I was spending a lot of time before I left for bootcamp, and who was incredible to me while I was at bootcamp and A School and all) enriched my life.. always introducing me to new food and new music and I was able to return the favor, and thus we grew together and grew as individuals while we knew eachother. And that was really important. That's just one of many of the things I've been thinking about, but I don't have that in my life right now.. because of internet access as limited as it's ever been (and only a handful of times ever has it been this limited) and having only known anyone in this town for a few months, I don't really get to be around people that I KNOW. (This is not a post about loneliness like I was spouting out so many of back in November. Hang with me for a moment.. it's an entirely different thing.) And even many of the people that I get to know quickly, I don't get to know as well as it seems.

I realized recently that I've been getting very irritable around certain people, and I think it is because we have broken intimacy boundaries (and I don't mean sexual.. I mean spending lots of time together all of a sudden and what have you) without developing the healthy levels of connections that are normal when people have longer times to build relationships. So in other words, when I feel like someone should know me really well because we hang out a lot and we do a lot together, and then we have a conversation in which I realize the person really doesn't know me much at all, that makes me irritable. Because it is not healthy or normal. Not that I'm conciously thinking "This is Not Healthy or Normal" while I'm being irritable.. but that is something I have realized recently, and I think it was a huge realization.

My apartment is so home to me that it's amazing. And I've found myself often enough considering staying in this area for as long as I can just so I don't have to move away from my apartment. I love it. I can't stay here for it, but I love it. It is perfect for me. It is gorgeous. I am decorating it nicely. And I'm putting a lot of work into it. But I'll be here for about another year minimum, and possibly longer. So it's worth the work.

I've found some great things at thrift and antique stores recently, too. Really, really great. Things that make me very happy.

I've been, you'll be glad to hear, pretty happy overall actually. I have a good attitude at work almost all of the time, even when things are not going so well. I guess once I made it through that really bad spot in January and February, it's all downhill from there. In the good way, the easy way, not the down the drain kinda way. I've been happy outside of work, mostly. Even at home. Weird, weird dreams (and somewhat disturbing), but other than that..

So this is a quick update. I've got a massive headache and I'm gonna go home now.

I've been working hard on my commissioning packet and should be able to report its completion soon. Then I'll have it submitted by the end of June, and the board meets in August, and then they release their decisions in September and I'll know whether or not I've been selected. But everyone (and I mean everyone) says I have a really good chance and they've all been very supportive. So I'll keep you updated.

Ok, I'm off now.