Really, although I still walk on eggshells at work when I care enough to, the rest of the events previous to and including my birthday seem like ages ago. I do feel significantly older this time, and I feel like I have been for a very long time, and that all of those things that happened even just a week ago were many moons before that.

For Lent, I am giving up going to bars by myself (especially the bar on base) and spending money on alcohol. (I do have some wine, liquor, and Guiness in my room that I can drink, and if I go out with others and they want to buy me a drink, that may be ok.. but I'm not gonna buy anymore in public or at stores.) I am giving up red meat (and maybe chicken, etc) after tonight (the youth group I've been working with did a fundraising Psghetti and Meatballs dinner tonight, so I decided to start after that) and excessives and waste. I've been not into excessive amounts of sweets and whatnot for a while anyway, but I'm even more determined not to eat all the junk I can be more prone to. So I'm going to eat tunafish and salmon a lot, and salad and fruit, and some whole grain breads and stuff on occasion, and try to get healthier. And start working out, for cryin' out loud! So goes the plan, anyway. And I'm going to stop wasting so much time reading books that are dumb (books can be so hit and miss, you know, when the cover looks good or the description sounds nice or people recommend it) or watching movies that are just two hours I'll never get back in my life.. I'm going to pursue my interests instead of all this.. try to get creative again (something about my bootcamp experience and pre-bootcamp focus knocked that out of me to this day) and watch some of the movies or read some of the books that certain people have recommended to me in ways that I really WANT to see/read them, instead of the ones that are easier to come across.

And instead of spending so much time in other ways, I am going to wake up earlier in the morning and do this one devotional book I got in MS and have been looking forward to starting but never got around to. And I am going to spend more time pursuing my relationship with God instead of superficial relationships with people. And as my relationship with God gets into line, I'll be able to pursue the deeper relationships with people that I ought to be spending time with (meaning anyone I can have a strong connection with on whatever level, mostly) and less surface relationships with people I don't actually enjoy being around or feel at peace around. I'm tired of those.

So, that is my plan for the next few weeks before Easter. And hopefully many of these plans will have transferred into lasting habits so that after Easter, although I do see myself shifting back into more surface relationships (which are fine when you have enough deep relationships to satisfy or at least satiate that need) and spending more time in social situations, I will continue to pursue my relationship with God above all else and keep some of my healthier personal and creative pursuits as well.

This is Lent. And this is not everyone's religious tradition or choice. But for me, I do look forward to Lent every year and to having something that is (in my mind) more significantly attached to my core than a New Year's Resolution to say out with the bad and replace that with the good. Replacing is key. Otherwise there's just still room for more or different bads to seep in.

I like Lent. I like Ash Wednesday and Shrove Tuesday and Holy Week and Easter. I like having these traditions and these mysteries. One of the reasons that I am glad to be involved in a Prebysterian church right now (even though I am decidedly not Presbyterian myself) is because they celebrate these traditions.

Beautiful season.

Pray for me, please, for strength and motivation. And mostly for memory.. my biggest problem in past Lenten seasons has been forgetting. Forgetting that I gave up ice cream and having some, which isn't going to send me to hell but it shows what kind of a priority that is in my life in a way.

I haven't been online much in a while even though I have a certain amount of access at work. So even for those of you (bannerzens, andylanders, even dot netters, and Katy..) who have seen me resurface recently, I'm really kinda just bobbing in the water right now, not actually climbing out onto the dock. When I move off base, the only major purchase I have in my budgetted future (since I already have a car and all) is a laptop and internet access. So then I'll be able to catch up more.

'Till then..