On Thursday night, at Jr. High Group, we were going over some of the lessons we use in our studies about living in the Kingdom of God. We were particularly talking about how Jesus came to reverse the prevailing assumptions of His day (and ours, too, because the assumptions still prevail) and were using specific examples from John 5.

One of the assumptions we used as an example was how our society (And the society Jesus lived in) believes that when someone hurts you, it's ok to want revenge and to seek revenge. Indeed, we often think it's quite noble.

Yet Jesus taught forgiveness and love instead. He taught that we're to love those people, even when they hurt us. He taught that we're not to seek revenge, but instead to seek grace and mercy.

The following night I was at a concert. There was a particularly rude woman there as well, with whom I had a few interactions throughout the evening. The group of people that were joining me at this concert (in the sense that they got there later than I, not in the sense that they were going because of me or anything like that) all also pointed out the rudeness of this particular woman before I so much as thought of mentioning it to them.

In one instance, I leaned over to VERY quietly whisper a VERY short comment to the girl sitting next to me. A good friend that I only get to see every few months, if that, and that is also one of the few people I can really talk about music with and know that she'll understand exactly what I'm saying. Anyway, mid-comment, a very long and hissy "ssshhhhhhhhhhh" came from the rude woman, who had turned around to glare at me. The hissy shhh was longer than the comment, for crying out loud! And more disturbing to other people around us, for that matter.

So I just gave up on my comment to my friend and continued watching the comment, trying to figure out how to really forgive this woman. (Not that I didn't want to, just that no one can really explain to you how to forgive, you know? And it's hard to find out on your own, as we all must do, what it really means. And each time I thought I had forgiven her, I found myself stealing glances in her direction and wishing that she wasn't so rude or wasn't there to ruin the experience for so many other people and everything else. That's obviously not a sign of forgiveness. Not that forgiveness means letting people walk all over you, either, but it certainly doesn't mean letting thoughts of them consume you, nor thinking about THEM as bad individuals.. rather just acknowledging that some of their actions weren't the best possible choices, just as we ourselves make bad choices each day.)

ALL that to say that at one point, she leaned over to make a comment to the other rude woman with her, and I was so very tempted to hush her.

And I thought about talking to the jr. higher I was paired up with on Thursday about not seeking revenge. And about loving and forgiving and grace and mercy. And about reversing prevalining assumptions. And about seeking to live as Christ would live if He were in my shoes.

And I almost cried at how horrible a person I still am.