I could see why he liked her. Janell was beautiful, charming, witty, and very kind. She didn't put herself first, nor belittle herself out of the low self-esteem ingrained in so many women alive today. With a remarkable past and a well-earned future, she was certainly a woman worthy of winning his heart.

I had only heard a little about her before we met in person. She was from Ohio, I knew, and her husband had passed away around the same time as his wife. In fact, they met in the hospital. Thus, when less than a year had gone by since the deaths of their spouces before they announced intentions to marry eachother, I admit I was a bit taken aback. It seemed much too soon, like the memories of the deceased were already no more than whispers. I've known him all my life, but not really well enough to either have predicted this or to see his motives.

I could be sure, however, that his motives weren't those horridly overused-in-our-modern-society motives of seeking wealth, power, fame, nor even a secret affair able to be made public after the tragedy of his wife's death. Indeed, through months of his wife being terminally ill and restricted to Hospice-care and bed-rest, even through several comatose days thought to be the end, he remained faithful to her. So there were only two possible reasons for this "sudden" engagement left. Loneliness and love.

My guess is that both played a part in the beginning, but love was surely the stronger part and is certainly the only one that matters now.

It was hard for me, though, to think that she could so quickly replace this woman I had loved so dearly, that he had loved so dearly. It was hard to think he could so quickly move on. And then I met her, and found myself doing basically the same thing.

It felt so natural to be around her, so easy to see her as his wife. And when I returned from my trip and showed friends the pictures, I heard myself telling them "That's my grandmother."

The first time, just a slip of the tongue. The second, I became more aware of my reasons. And each time after that, there was an echo in the back of my head. "Wait! She only just passed away in February. She was such an amazing woman, so powerful in your life, and already you're giving someone else the title rightfully hers?!?"

We were ready for my grandmother's death. She'd been somewhat sick most of my life, though also quite able-bodied 'till near the end. The end .. ah, surprising it was not. Painful, yes, to watch her suffer. Of course, being 14 hours away, I didn't really do a lot of watching. I didn't even see any pictures taken during her more sickly stages untill after she'd passed. But hearing the updates, waiting for the news, knowing that I could not be with her .. it was painful. Death always is.

All the same, we were ready.

I did a lot of working through my feelings before she passed away, so that between the time I got word she was gone and the memorial service a couple of months later, I wasn't the emotional wreck I've been with other deaths in the past. I cried, certainly, but there was less bitter weeping. It was true, as cliche as the expression has become, that she wasn't suffering any more. She had lived long enough to meet her first great-granddaughter, and it was just time for her to let go. And then at the memorial service, closure was abundant. The urn her ashes were in, the Euglogy, my grandfather sitting alone, the headstone, the flowers, the pictures. Never will I forget her or not love her, but I was able to get enough closure to deal with the grief of her death.

But when I found myself already thinking of Janell as "my grandmother", I began to wonder if I really have dealt with it. Am I just seeking a replacement, the way parents get their young children a new puppy when the old family dog passes away? I'd like to think it is simply because she's such a wonderful woman that she's no naturally fit into my life, into my grandmother's role. I can't be sure, though.

No one could ever replace Floyce Idell Love Torrey.

All the same, I'm very glad my grandfather has found love again in the form of this great lady.