C'est La Vie
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What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be. Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy. And I use these words pretty loosely. There's so much more to life than words..
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Thursday, April 27, 2006
I am glad that I went to the service tonight. Last week I was very sick and holed up at home wearing my smurf-suit (the nickname for the blue Navy sweatsuit we're issued at bootcamp) and layers of clothing under and drinking hot drinks and snuggling under blankets trying to kick that thing. So I didn't go, but I made it this week and it was really good.The preacher/leader was talking about being great instead of just good, being an instrument of great things for God instead of just doing good things ourselves. In this particular case, he compared Bill Gates (doing good things) with Mother Theresa (how God did great things through her and that was specifically her desire). The music included a few songs I didn't know at all, and I just curled up on my chair and listened to them and prayed. And after the service, as I've mentioned before, they had a time when anyone could go up and pray in the front and receive prayer if desired -- but before that, one of the administrative staff of the church had come up and talked to me during the break and she knew that I was struggling at work and she said she would like to pray over that after the service. So I went up and prayed for a bit and then she came over and prayed, and it was really just an incredible experience. Here's two things about the thing: 1) Really, I'm not usually comfortable with a particularly Charismatic environment. I am not very comfortable normally with people who claim to be prophets or who start saying something sounding like they are sharing a prophetic vision. And the reason for this is not an uncomfortableness with prophecy in and of itself, but rather the misuse of that concept by people who are not really speaking prophetically, some of whom are not even aware that they aren't. Like that guy I mentioned my first week there, who said he had a prophetic knowledge that we would get into a relationship. Those of you who've known me for a very long time, especially you Lynchburgers who knew me in the Big House on Memorial, you know some of the background of why that makes me shudder inside --- for those who don't, it's basically because of some Charismatic roommates that I had and their friends and the insanity that prevailed surrounding that issue, and how wrong I think it is to use God's name for anything other than truth. Anyway, tonight was different. I had this woman praying over me, and she really was speaking from knowledge that she herself could not have gained from me or anyone else. And there was this woman standing behind me that I think was there wanting to reinforce the praying that was happening up in front in general, like praying that the prayers would be fruitful. And I could hear her in the background whispering things like "Thank you, Jesus, for what you are doing". And I could hear this first woman praying over me specifically with the same things that I had been praying in my head before she came over, and when she first started and all these thoughts came to cloud it all out, I heard her praying and at first it was in tongues, and then all the thoughts went to "ok, now she's praying in tongues" (not in a skeptical way or anything, a sorta perked-up interested way and a sorta just plain factual way) and then it wasn't anymore and I could hear just the faintest thing that I just knew she was saying "Lord, please quiet her" and how did she know that my mind was so clouded and how did I hear that she was praying that and everything? Anyway, the rest of the prayer when she was talking like normal was just all this stuff that she couldn't've known about and it was a really great experience and very comforting and makes me look forward to seeing what will come of it. And then I went back to where everyone else was that wasn't up front praying, around the food table, and they had this bean dip that I've only ever had there my first week (it's store-bought, but that's the only place I've ever had it that I remember) and it's maybe my favorite store-bought bean dip ever, and then I was standing there eating it, and one of the guys that had been in the small-group when I first started going came over and asked how I was doing and we were talking a tiny bit and he asked if I was struggling at work, and I said "some days are better than others" and then he said "well, I know that you're struggling there, and just hang in there, because.." and went on about some things that he also wouldn't've known about and it was very accurate, and just piggy-backed on everything I had experienced up front. So that was really good stuff. 2) Ok, I AM analytical and I AM a skeptic about certain things and I AM uncomfortable about certain things and so in the analytical, can't-quiet-it-down-and-maybe-wouldn't-want-to part of my brain, there was always the thought that perhaps the family that invited me to this church and the husband/father of that family, with whom I used to work, may have had something to do with all of this. Maybe he had told some of them a little bit about what things are like at work. EVEN if that's the case, there were still other things in what they said and in some things that were said at work today that were specifically mentioned in the prayer, that would not have been known by this fellow or his family. God has always used "coincidences" to comfort me, guide me, assure me. Usually in the form of things that are a little too coincidental to be coincidences. So Let's say for the sake of argument that he did mention something to them ... I still would not have had the same experience if our little department powwow at work today had not been all about teamwork and such, and then Janie prayed specifically for that. And that's just one example. And then there's what I was praying for in my head, and how everything she prayed right away was exactly the same stuff and in the same order. You know? You can't skeptic stuff like that out. Analyzing always leads to the same conclusion: God is real, God is active in my life and in the lives His children, God loves us, we are here to serve and love God and in so doing to love His children. All of that was completely confirmed by my experience tonight, as it so often is. Meanwhile, let's say that things had been different and that everything that had been said was stuff that easily could have come from that gentleman's insight and nothing else coincidental had happened. Would it not be enough that I ended up going to this church and having these people pray for me when I needed it and this gentleman and his family were not there at all, but these other folks were and they did pray? That would be enough for me. It would be like if I broke my leg and was in a cast an anyone could see it and someone here mentioned it to someone back in Lynchburg who can't see it themselves, but called me to pray with me to get better -- it's not any less of a prayer just because this is something visibly obvious to people here and because the Lynchburger was told specifically what to pray for. You know? It's still just as much of a prayer, and it's still just as timely, and it's still an incredible experience in and of itself. But it didn't have to be, because there was so much more. Anyway, This is WAY longer now than I was intending it to be (at least four or five times) and I need to get some good sleep before the PRT. Does tonight's experience mean that I this has become my church which I will keep attending? Not necessarily. I still feel a big "there is something else for you" on that one. I think that this part of the body of Christ had certain important experiences in store for me, maybe others in the future. But I don't think I'm likely supposed to be settling in there.. I think that there is somewhere else for me and God will reveal that in due time. But if God reveals that this place IS my new home afterall, hey, that'd be fine with me. Not that my agreement is even anything at all in the grand scheme of things, but it's there. Ok, really, I'm going to bed now. Goodnight all. Thank you for your prayers, those of you who have been praying for me. Know that I am praying for you (as God leads me) and that I love you. Thank you, Father, for this experience tonight.
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Hippie: (after hearing Max wants to avoid the draft)You still have options man. "So how do i do normal "It's been known for a train to jump its track. It's ok, so you'll know, most times they come back. It's ok to lose your life, when you finally see your birth. It's ok to say, "I love you," and figure sometimes it's gonna hurt. "As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes, all exciting at first, but then by the end you're sick of 'em!" "Hey, this is weird! I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don't happen to like frozen yogurt, do you?" "I love it!" "You're kidding! What a crazy random happenstance!" "Only one more trip," said a gallant seaman, "It was Flannery O'Connor who said that 'grace must wound before it heals.' Her words help me to separate what is most true about life from the things we want to be true. We want life to be painless. True grace is a hard sell because in order for the human heart to understand forgiveness and love, it must first experience darkness and isolation. A life lived under the rule of grace is a life of need which allows us to receive an appreciate the gift of the giver of grace. This is why we will always have the poor with us; this is why God will not allow us to ignore injustice; this is why we are called to a life we cannot handle alone, which can and will break us in the effort to live it -- because grace must wound before it heals." Regarding 2007: Should auld acquaintance be forgot, I thought Christmas Day would never come. But it's here at last, so Mom and Dad, the waiting's finally done. And you gotta get up, you gotta get up, you gotta get up, it's Christmas morning. O little town of Bethlehem, Walk humbly, son Strings of lights above the bed "In a little while I'll feel better "Please tell me once again that You love me. That You love me. Please tell me once again that I matter to You and You really care. Please tell me once again that You're with me, forever. It's not that I could ever doubt you, I just love the way it sounds. I just love the way it sounds." "Every once in a while, a bannerzen posts." "7:30. What kind of people have to be at work at 7:30?" have you seen my love Traveling is significant because it takes so much effort. Either you're going to some place you love, or you're leaving some place you love. Usually it's both. I think I have Bond's ability to get into trouble but not his ability to get out of it. Someday I'll be in some foreign country with 5 thugs with automatic rifles pointed at me, and I'll just.... fart "You had no alternative .. We must work in the world. The world is thus." --- "No .. Thus have we made the world." The summer ends and we wonder where we are And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car And you both look so young And last night was hard, you said You packed up every room And then you cried and went to bed But today you closed the door and said "We have to get a move on. It's just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead, We push ourselves ahead." Looking out the bedroom at this snowy TV.. ever since commencement, no one's asking 'bout me. But I bet before the night falls, I could catch the late bus.. take small provisions and this Beethoven bust. I could find work in the outskirts of the city, eat some fish on the way.. befriend an old dog for a roadside pal, find a nice couch to stay -- a pull-out sofa, if you please!" Ooh! Get me away from here I'm dying "The trouble with folks like Brownie is they hold their life in like a bakebean fart at a Baptist cookout and only let it slip out sideways a little at a time when they think there's nobody noticing. Now that's the last thing on earth the Almighty intended. He intended all the life a man's got inside him, he should live it out just as free and strong and natural as a bird." "Life is a phantasmagoria .. It is a pell-mell of confused and tumultuous scenes. We try in vain to find a purpose - to bring an order, a unity to life. I suppose that is the appeal of art. Art is the blending of the real and the unreal, the conquering of nature. It is real enough for it to reflect life, but has the unity that life lacks." "in time memories fade. I've always had this feeling about Patty that she's complex and intriguing...I like Patty alot. She's got a good heart and tells terrible squirrel jokes. "Try to remember that world-weariness isn't necessarily a bad thing. In the book of Mark, I think its Mark, Jesus looks at a blind man and sighs. Jesus sighed before even telling the man he would be healed. He sighed, and I'm not sure that there's a much more human expression of frustration than this. Faced with the horrid picture of a cursed earth and looking into the white eyes of a man blind from the day he was born, He sighed. The Creator of the universe in human form was sad "of the evils of this world," the world He created. Your Creator sighed for you in the same way before He healed you and made you His." After the last secret's told After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone After the last child starves And the last girl walks the boulevard After the last year that's just too hard There is love -- Andrew Peterson, After the Last Tear Falls "when you most need people, you don't need perfection - just to know someone gives a damn" "A CALL TO ACTION: "My brother's always [telling me], 'You should be more mysterious--boys like that.' But I'm not good at that. It would just make me more uncomfortable." "Loners want to kill you, but not for any particular reason, and they'd probably like you if they weren't being guided by the violent voices in their head." "No one wants to oil a snake these days!"
-- Her mom: "We're all safe." -- Jamie Bevill and her mother during Christmas-Decorating dinner, December 20, 2002 i'd throw out all my shoes i'd set up cans for friends to dump their shoes senseless shoes a pioneer of callouses lordy-be and bless my soul i'd be a barefoot spaceman the first you'd ever know" "The best way to have God's will for your life is to have no will of your own!" "Generations circle and each one atones. The sins of the father are seperate from my own. In Pilgrim's Progress, it's forgiveness that makes whole, and as time levels and consoles, I place the daisies in your bowl." "For a moment he just stared at her. Then, with an urf-urf-urf of laughter, he turned back to the controls." "It's on the internet.. so, then, it must be true." "Be at least as interested in what people can become as you are in what they have been." Blessed be the rock stars!" Get up for the shower.. wash and scrub and scour every part as if a cleaner man could better bear the shame.. "She was eating gnarly amounts of calcium." Homeless man to girl trying to give him money: "No, thanks, ma'am. I never work on Sundays." "Wow! I never thought I'd need a radar-guided spatula!" "Isn't it great that I articulate? Isn't it grand that you can understand? ... I can talk, I can talk, I can talk!" I believe that people laugh at coincidence as a way of relegating it to the realm of the absurd and of therefore not having to take seriously the possibility that there is a lot more going on in our lives than we either know or care to know... I suspect that part of it, anyway, is that every once and so often we hear a whisper from the wings that goes something like this: "You've turned up in the right place at the right time. You're doing fine. Don't ever think that you've been forgotten. When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of "No answer." It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, "Peace, child; you don't understand." CCM: You've spoken a lot more about crying than I ever thought you would. "Youth is not a period of time. It is a state of mind, a result of the will, a quality of the imagination, a victory of courage over timidity, of the taste for adventure over the love of comfort. A man doesn't grow old because he has lived a certain number of years. A man grows old when he deserts his ideal. The years may wrinkle his skin, but deserting his ideal wrinkles his soul. Preoccuptaions, fears, doubts, and despair are the enemies which slowly bow us toward earth and turn us into dust before death. You will remain young as long as you are open to what is beautiful, good, and great; receptive to the messages of other men and women, of nature and of God. If one day you should become bitter, pessimistic, and gnawed by despair, may God have mercy on your old man's soul." ""Don't go matchmaking for me, Ilse," said Emily wit a faint smile... "I feel in my bones that I shall achieve old-maidenhood, which is an entirely different thing from having old-maidenhood thrust upon you." "I wish Aunt Elizabeth would let me go to Shrewsbury, but I fear she never will. She feels she can't trust me out of her sight because my mother eloped. But she need not be afraid I will ever elope. I have made up my mind that I will never marry. I shall be wedded to my art" "Tomorrow seems like a long ways away. But it will come, just like any other day... Deep inside, where the wounded creatures hide, I am afraid. Maybe I got lost somewhere along the way somehow. Please rescue me... Yea, though I walk through the valley of the dark shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me... Though I fear, though I am afraid, You are with me. Though I'm angry, tired, broken down and confused, You are with me. Though I sin like I've never sinned before, lose myself right out an open door, You are with me." "The invisible people agreed about everything. Indeed most of their remarks were the sort it would not be easy to disagree with: "What I always say is, when a chap's hungry, he likes some victuals," or "Getting dark now; always does at night," or even "Ah, you've come over the water. Powerful wet stuff, ain't it?"" -- C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader "When People object... that if Jesus was God as well as Man, then He had an unfair advantage which deprives Him for them of all value, it seems to me as if a man struggling in the water should refuse a rope thrown to him by another who had one foot on the bank, saying, "Oh but you had an unfair advantage." It is because of His advantage that He can help." "But, you know, as a Christian, one of the big questions you always ask yourself is, "So we believe in Jesus, we believe in the teachings of the church, but what does that look like when it's lived out?" Because surely, one of the things that Jesus said that I think we often overlook is, "The person who hears my words and does them is like the wise man who built his house on the rock." He didn't say "the person who hears my words and thinks about 'em" or "whoever hears my words and agrees with it." But he said, "Whoever hears it and does it." "find that which gives you breath and grants you more to give "I have packed all my belongings. I don't belong here anymore. This pair of sandles, one pack to carry, this old guitar and this tattered old Bible. And I know I won't be afraid. 'cause I know, I know Home is where You are." "Open up your weepy eyes, everyone is dancing. Angels peer through sweet disguise, through a fire of cleansing. "Long hair, no hair; Everybody, everywhere:
Breathe Deep, breathe deep the Breath of God!" "You may be bruised and torn and broken, but
you're Mine!" "I don't deserve to speak, and they don't deserve
to hear it. It's makin' me believe that it's not
about me." "Kickin' against these goads sure did cut up my
feet. Didn't your hands get bloody as you washed
them clean?" "They say God blessed us with plenty. I say
you?re blessed with poverty. ?Cause you never
stop to wonder whether earth is just a little
better than the Land of the Free" "Computers will know everything in the 21st
century. They'll be like me in the 20th
century." |
