Maybe it's not that so many people in my life are prone to the psychological concept of Transference..

Perhaps it is because of my human-mirror attribute that they see in me things they don't want to see in themselves, nomatter how untrue some of the things are in me.

We're all familiar with the concept that we hate in others often what we most hate about ourselves. Transference is taking something that you don't want to be true about yourself and putting that onto someone else.. so that if you, deep down inside, are feeling like you don't want to have to work for a living (for a wild example), you may decide that a person close to you is lazy and refuses to work enough. Because your rational mind knows that you should work, you should perhaps even want to work .. but that deep-rooted desire is there and manifests itself by appearing to be true about someone else.

The thing is that when it is textbook transference, it will often look crazy to the people who know the other person, and will most especially seem crazy to the person him or herself upon whom the idea is being transferred.. because that person is certainly aware that the attribute is not true of him or her.


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So there is that. And then there are my own legitimate faults, and there are my faults that are getting blown out of proportion. And then there are the attributes I have that may not always be flaws, but are certainly less-common and may be a bit hard for some people (including myself at times) to deal with.

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I don't think switching jobs would help. I thought about that. (By jobs right now I mean what I'm actually doing day-to-day.)

I don't know that switching departments would help. I'm not even sure switching commands would necessarily help at this point.

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I was reading through some things tonight, including the retirement speech given at the Retirement Ceremony (aka Fleet Reserve Transfer Ceremony) for Vice Admiral Patricia Tracey. It made me want-to-want to stay in. That is, I really wished I desired to stay in. Probably I wished I desired to try for Commissioning again. But you know what? I want to have the kind of impact on others that she had, as commemorated in that speech. But the military is not WHERE or HOW I want to have that impact.. not now, anyway.

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During my trip to DC, I plan to visit the Arlington National Cemetery among other sights/places. I may even try to pop into the Pentagon for a brief look-see. I am leaving myself open, through this trip, to one last chance to change my mind about this whole military thing. If this doesn't do it, I don't think anything will. If I come back from this trip and do not start on a Commissioning package right away, anyone concerned can rest assured that it will not happen.

I don't think it will happen.

But then, who am I to know God's Will before He good and well tells me?