Here's a look at this crazy town I'm living in.. (not entirely unlike my last crazy town, actually, except the size and the weather.. it's like Lynchburg was just an extremely small version of Jacksonville or something.) Got this from my coworkers this morning during a discussion about whether FL is a Southern or Yankee state. Us Yankees hold out strongly for that viewpoint, though my I've-been-living-in-VA-for-a-while-and-consider-it-home-except-for-the-political-or-tax-side-of-things self has some pull to that side as well. But not for FL. FL is NOT a Southern state!

Tourist Guide for Jacksonville

1. You must learn to say the city name correctly. It is usually referred to as "JAX."

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jacksonville has its own version of traffic rules....the truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.
(Note: Blue haired ladies driving anything have right of way anytime.)

3. To find anything in Jax it is required that you know where the "Regency Square" is... it's the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end.

4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

6. Did you know that East Rd. meets West Rd. on Beach Blvd, but they run North and South.

7. You must know that "Normandy Boulevard", "State Road 228", "Cecil Field Road", "Maxville Road", and "Post Street" are the same road. Ft. Caroline, McCormick, Girvin are also the same road.

8. On the southeast side of town, "Hartley Road," "Shad Road," and "Hood Road," are the same road, too. Hartley Road is the western part of the road, and Shad Road is the eastern part of the road. Now don't be confused about this "Hood Road." This is the West-East part that is in between Hartley and Shad, not the North-South part that starts out as "Old Kings Road South", changes into "Hood Road South," and ends at Losco Road.

9. Construction is a permanent fixture in Jax. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more exciting.

10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.

11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

12. The minimum acceptable speed on "J Turner Butler Blvd" is 75 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Florida's version of NASCAR. On Atlantic which is 45 MPH, anyone not doing at least 65 will be pulled over and ticketed by the Sheriff’s department (as they are likely to be the one behind you trying to get past for their shift change).

13. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.

14. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone ... you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

15. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

16. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

17. If it's 20 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it is time for the Gator Bowl at Alltel Stadium.