My experience with the diner has destroyed whatever last shred I had left of hope that there are decent employers out there who actually can hire people without college degrees. I went in today to sell my shirts back (which he gave me 8 dollars for when I had bought them for 19) since this is the second week of having no hours scheduled, even though one of the downtown employees is supposed to be going on vacation this week. While I was there, I asked him if he had gotten the letter from my Navy Recruiter (which I gave to my manager, this being the owner that I was talking to) explaining that what he has done is illegal, and he started spouting all of this bull crap about how they're too slow and suzanne (the woman who was hired AFTER me and who frickin' scares people and who didn't get one single order right within her first week and a half) has more qualifications than me and all kinds of crap. So I pointed out to him that what he did was wrong, and that his treatment of people is WHY his business is slow these days, and refrained from pointing out to him that he's a meaneyhead and a jerk. And when I left, I wiped the dirt of that place of my shoes and I asked God to bring justice on that man.

And while I walked here (about a block away), I cried a little, I thought a lot, I clenched my teeth, and I was brought to a new level of hatred for greed, capitalism, selfishness, stupidity, and all manner of other negative qualities that have become so ingrained in the American way of life.

And I got convicted. I was listening this morning to Justin McRoberts' Trust album, and one of the songs has a chorus that goes something like this: "I won't become a victim of my rage.. Lord, give me love for my enemies."

And I kept hearing that line over and over and over in my head as I walked here. And I thought, "Yah, give me love for my enemies. Even unwise meaneyhead bosses. But only after you blow his financial life to smithereens... wow, I can feel that good Christian love warming my heart already, 'cause I'm such a fantastic, wonderful, loving person." The latter part, of course, being very, very sarcastic.

The part about my reaction that is wrong, of course, is wrong in the exact same way as what he did to me, or what other past employers and would-be employers did to me. Seeking their own goals, their own wallet's fullness, they did something unkind and unethical to me, and I suffered for it. And now, without the actual unkind or unethical actions (but with thoughts of both types) I am responding in the same way. I have, in effect, sunk to their level.. except lower, because I know better. Most of the people who have done these things to me are not Christians, would not want to be in their current path of choices.. in the sense that maybe they would be or will be someday, but at the moment, they can never see themselves giving control of their lives to Jesus or falling completely in love with Him. How Completely in love with Him am I, then, that I can act just as dark and dumb as they? How much control of my life have I given to Him if I'm still this angry at personal injustices?

So, I may not be able to restore hope in having a decent employer, but I can restore hope in having a decent reaction when I get screwed-over.

Tomorrow, I start back at the place where I worked from September to December. After their massive layoff-of-nearly-everyone-that-wasn't-working-at-least-two-levels-up in January, and the two weeks later (still in January) layoff-of-more-than-60%-of-the-customer-service-personnell, they started slowly-but-surely rehiring some of the folks they had originally laid off the first round, since they could pay them less than the customer service folks for the same amount of work. So, I finally got called back in last week, and start tomorrow. Since it was just over 90 days of non-active employment and/or non-employment from them, I still have to do all the loads and loads of paperwork again, but at least I'll have a job. And if they don't do the same thing they did last time of telling me I could bet on at least 30 hours a week and then giving me 12 on a good week, I'll be fine financially by the time I leave for the Navy. Hopefully, though, it won't even just be 30 hours a week.. hopefully on some weeks it'll be 40 instead. Then I'd be doing quite decently.

I am in personal/mental/Spiritual/emotional bootcamp right now, methinks. Everything is more intense, more extreme. The circumstances as well as my reactions.So, here's to hopefully graduating this boot camp in time for the Navy's.