C'est La Vie
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What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be. Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy. And I use these words pretty loosely. There's so much more to life than words..
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Thursday, May 16, 2002
I once had this friend named Brian, who was not a Christian. He was a coworker at one of the restaurants I worked at, and he was one of those guys that made you feel like you were the whole world when you were around him. Everyone in the store liked him very much, and nearly all the girls (especially the single ones, but there were only so many faithfully married people there) were more-or-less romantically attracted to him. Even me. And my practical side has always ruled, so that I was never particularly attracted to any guy that wasn't a strong Christian with great integrity. Any guy that I did like much at all, if there was any significant thing (such as starting to date someone else, picking up a really bad habit like drugs or something, or having no desire to grow in his walk with the Lord) to make me question if he'd be a good guy for me to date/maybe eventually marry, then whatever attraction I felt was gone.
Brian was different, though. Not only was he a non-Christian, but he was also into some fairly bad habits and he had completely different morals than I did/do. With all that in mind constantly, though, and even though I would never have dated him for those reasons, I just could not stop liking him. So I thought back then, and have been thinking again recently, about why this was so. And the most basic answer is that Brian made me feel special. He was a very nice, genuine, caring person, and every single person he interacted with felt like they were just the most interesting person in the world. Sure, he had just about every other quality that makes us attracted to people, but he could've been handsome, funny, smart, etc and I wouldn't have liked him at all if he hadn't also been so very caring. I have this other friend named Thor. Thor is one of the best, and most brother-like, friends that I've had in a long time. I met him pretty soon after moving up here, and I've known him through some pretty interesting situations in each of our lives. I've never been romantically attracted to Thor. However, Thor is another one of those guys that can make you feel incredibly special. Thor (who is now married to one of my other closest friends, Angela .. I met her through him) tells all the people in his life that they look good, that he appriciates them, that they're unique and uniquely neat. When Thor and I are both going to or at the same event, one of the first things he usually says is, "you look really nice".. but despite the regularity of that statement, it never seems any less genuine. Thor has this incredible child-like ability to be completely sincere with everyone, and to express things in such a way that you never doubt his honesty. He doesn't tell people that they look good because that's what he's supposed to say. He tells them they look good because that's how he sees them, that's what he really believes. I'm not sure why Thor and Brian could say the same things and come off differently.. both making me feel special, but one making me very romantically interested.. my assumption is that it's because Brian (remember, different morals) was thinking things different than what Thor was thinking. Being human, I do have hormones, and they respond to the hormones of other people, whether or not I want them to. So that's why I think my responses were different to these two guys. Meanwhile, I also see a very deep need for more friends like Thor in this world. I think there's a great amount of discomfort, and maybe even fear, in telling someone that you're not either biologically or romantically attached to that they look good or that you love them. If every single female in this world had guy friends that told them how beautiful they are and how much they're loved, there would be a lot less teenage pregnencies, abusive relationships, and everything else. I don't know if guys need the same kind of affirmation from girls. Perhaps they do, and for that reason, I do try to express to them the same kind of platonic love and appriciation that Thor expresses to me. (Disclaimer for the rest of this blog: there will be generalizations, and there will be some very blunt statements that may be uncomfortable.) One more thought about the difference between Thor and Brian and all potential Thors and Brians. We don't need more Brians in this world. He made me feel intensely special, but he also could very well have caused me to compromise on my morals had I not already been through some interesting times before ever moving up here. So I was thinking last night, in light of all that, about why there are so many nonChristian guys that can make girls feel beautiful (and, sadly, lure Christian girls into compromising relationships.. I am NOT blaming the guy here, because he doesn't know any better.. but this does happen sometimes, and it is sad) and yet so very few Christian guys that actually do make girls feel attractive in an integritous and genuine way. See, if a non-Christian guy makes me feel attractive, it's likely to be because he sees me as media-attractive.. and likely to be because (whether or not I'm more appealing than other options) he thinks that there could be some physical reward for his efforts. On that note, I think non-Christian guys are more willing to put themselves out on a limb because their potential immediate rewards are much greater and more appealing than the risk. Even if a guy is shot down, he can move right on and continue his work and get a speedy payoff. But for Christian guys, the rewards are long-range and often imperceptible. Since what they're trying to accomplish (and I suppose guys with higher morals are included here, too) is the good of the girl, and perhaps also marraige in some distant day, the goals are further off and harder to judge. Progress, too, is harder to measure, what with not being able to see into the hearts of human and all. So when a Christian guy is romantically attracted to a girl, he's less likely to say so for a really long time. And when he does, it's often subtle and said in such a way that it can be misread easily. And when he's not romantically interested in a girl, he's not likely to say anything at all. Sometimes for fear of misleading her (which is a very legitimate fear), and sometimes because it's too uncomfortable. One way or another, we are called to treat eachother like brothers and sisters, and one of the best aspects of my relationship with my biological brothers (nonChristians though they may be) is that they tell me (or tell their friends when I'm in the room) that I'm attractive. When I'm around my brothers, I don't have to seek physical love to feel attractive. They make sure I know it with what's best for me as their motive. So Christian guys, please think about the girls in your life .. if you're a father, make sure your daughter(s) know they're gorgeous and loved. If your mother, or any mother-figures in your life, are still alive .. please make sure they know they're appriciated. Perhaps most of all, though, if you're in the middle-school through late-thirties age group, please make sure that all the females you know (especially the single ones or ones that aren't in very uplifting relationships) know that you and God both see them as incredibly beautiful and incredibly loved. This is a hard thing to do without bordering on non-platonic appriciation, but somehow, Thor pulls it off. I dunno what his secret is, but I sincerely believe that this world needs more guys like Thor. (Flowers are a great thing, btw. Postcards when you travel, to let her know you're thinking of her just because she's her.. I dunno. Again, thin line between platonic and romantic appriciation, but I really think that's only because there's so little platonic interaction in this world. Let's change that.)
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Hippie: (after hearing Max wants to avoid the draft)You still have options man. "So how do i do normal "It's been known for a train to jump its track. It's ok, so you'll know, most times they come back. It's ok to lose your life, when you finally see your birth. It's ok to say, "I love you," and figure sometimes it's gonna hurt. "As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes, all exciting at first, but then by the end you're sick of 'em!" "Hey, this is weird! I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don't happen to like frozen yogurt, do you?" "I love it!" "You're kidding! What a crazy random happenstance!" "Only one more trip," said a gallant seaman, "It was Flannery O'Connor who said that 'grace must wound before it heals.' Her words help me to separate what is most true about life from the things we want to be true. We want life to be painless. True grace is a hard sell because in order for the human heart to understand forgiveness and love, it must first experience darkness and isolation. A life lived under the rule of grace is a life of need which allows us to receive an appreciate the gift of the giver of grace. This is why we will always have the poor with us; this is why God will not allow us to ignore injustice; this is why we are called to a life we cannot handle alone, which can and will break us in the effort to live it -- because grace must wound before it heals." Regarding 2007: Should auld acquaintance be forgot, I thought Christmas Day would never come. But it's here at last, so Mom and Dad, the waiting's finally done. And you gotta get up, you gotta get up, you gotta get up, it's Christmas morning. O little town of Bethlehem, Walk humbly, son Strings of lights above the bed "In a little while I'll feel better "Please tell me once again that You love me. That You love me. Please tell me once again that I matter to You and You really care. Please tell me once again that You're with me, forever. It's not that I could ever doubt you, I just love the way it sounds. I just love the way it sounds." "Every once in a while, a bannerzen posts." "7:30. What kind of people have to be at work at 7:30?" have you seen my love Traveling is significant because it takes so much effort. Either you're going to some place you love, or you're leaving some place you love. Usually it's both. I think I have Bond's ability to get into trouble but not his ability to get out of it. Someday I'll be in some foreign country with 5 thugs with automatic rifles pointed at me, and I'll just.... fart "You had no alternative .. We must work in the world. The world is thus." --- "No .. Thus have we made the world." The summer ends and we wonder where we are And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car And you both look so young And last night was hard, you said You packed up every room And then you cried and went to bed But today you closed the door and said "We have to get a move on. It's just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead, We push ourselves ahead." Looking out the bedroom at this snowy TV.. ever since commencement, no one's asking 'bout me. But I bet before the night falls, I could catch the late bus.. take small provisions and this Beethoven bust. I could find work in the outskirts of the city, eat some fish on the way.. befriend an old dog for a roadside pal, find a nice couch to stay -- a pull-out sofa, if you please!" Ooh! Get me away from here I'm dying "The trouble with folks like Brownie is they hold their life in like a bakebean fart at a Baptist cookout and only let it slip out sideways a little at a time when they think there's nobody noticing. Now that's the last thing on earth the Almighty intended. He intended all the life a man's got inside him, he should live it out just as free and strong and natural as a bird." "Life is a phantasmagoria .. It is a pell-mell of confused and tumultuous scenes. We try in vain to find a purpose - to bring an order, a unity to life. I suppose that is the appeal of art. Art is the blending of the real and the unreal, the conquering of nature. It is real enough for it to reflect life, but has the unity that life lacks." "in time memories fade. I've always had this feeling about Patty that she's complex and intriguing...I like Patty alot. She's got a good heart and tells terrible squirrel jokes. "Try to remember that world-weariness isn't necessarily a bad thing. In the book of Mark, I think its Mark, Jesus looks at a blind man and sighs. Jesus sighed before even telling the man he would be healed. He sighed, and I'm not sure that there's a much more human expression of frustration than this. Faced with the horrid picture of a cursed earth and looking into the white eyes of a man blind from the day he was born, He sighed. The Creator of the universe in human form was sad "of the evils of this world," the world He created. Your Creator sighed for you in the same way before He healed you and made you His." After the last secret's told After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone After the last child starves And the last girl walks the boulevard After the last year that's just too hard There is love -- Andrew Peterson, After the Last Tear Falls "when you most need people, you don't need perfection - just to know someone gives a damn" "A CALL TO ACTION: "My brother's always [telling me], 'You should be more mysterious--boys like that.' But I'm not good at that. It would just make me more uncomfortable." "Loners want to kill you, but not for any particular reason, and they'd probably like you if they weren't being guided by the violent voices in their head." "No one wants to oil a snake these days!"
-- Her mom: "We're all safe." -- Jamie Bevill and her mother during Christmas-Decorating dinner, December 20, 2002 i'd throw out all my shoes i'd set up cans for friends to dump their shoes senseless shoes a pioneer of callouses lordy-be and bless my soul i'd be a barefoot spaceman the first you'd ever know" "The best way to have God's will for your life is to have no will of your own!" "Generations circle and each one atones. The sins of the father are seperate from my own. In Pilgrim's Progress, it's forgiveness that makes whole, and as time levels and consoles, I place the daisies in your bowl." "For a moment he just stared at her. Then, with an urf-urf-urf of laughter, he turned back to the controls." "It's on the internet.. so, then, it must be true." "Be at least as interested in what people can become as you are in what they have been." Blessed be the rock stars!" Get up for the shower.. wash and scrub and scour every part as if a cleaner man could better bear the shame.. "She was eating gnarly amounts of calcium." Homeless man to girl trying to give him money: "No, thanks, ma'am. I never work on Sundays." "Wow! I never thought I'd need a radar-guided spatula!" "Isn't it great that I articulate? Isn't it grand that you can understand? ... I can talk, I can talk, I can talk!" I believe that people laugh at coincidence as a way of relegating it to the realm of the absurd and of therefore not having to take seriously the possibility that there is a lot more going on in our lives than we either know or care to know... I suspect that part of it, anyway, is that every once and so often we hear a whisper from the wings that goes something like this: "You've turned up in the right place at the right time. You're doing fine. Don't ever think that you've been forgotten. When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of "No answer." It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, "Peace, child; you don't understand." CCM: You've spoken a lot more about crying than I ever thought you would. "Youth is not a period of time. It is a state of mind, a result of the will, a quality of the imagination, a victory of courage over timidity, of the taste for adventure over the love of comfort. A man doesn't grow old because he has lived a certain number of years. A man grows old when he deserts his ideal. The years may wrinkle his skin, but deserting his ideal wrinkles his soul. Preoccuptaions, fears, doubts, and despair are the enemies which slowly bow us toward earth and turn us into dust before death. You will remain young as long as you are open to what is beautiful, good, and great; receptive to the messages of other men and women, of nature and of God. If one day you should become bitter, pessimistic, and gnawed by despair, may God have mercy on your old man's soul." ""Don't go matchmaking for me, Ilse," said Emily wit a faint smile... "I feel in my bones that I shall achieve old-maidenhood, which is an entirely different thing from having old-maidenhood thrust upon you." "I wish Aunt Elizabeth would let me go to Shrewsbury, but I fear she never will. She feels she can't trust me out of her sight because my mother eloped. But she need not be afraid I will ever elope. I have made up my mind that I will never marry. I shall be wedded to my art" "Tomorrow seems like a long ways away. But it will come, just like any other day... Deep inside, where the wounded creatures hide, I am afraid. Maybe I got lost somewhere along the way somehow. Please rescue me... Yea, though I walk through the valley of the dark shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me... Though I fear, though I am afraid, You are with me. Though I'm angry, tired, broken down and confused, You are with me. Though I sin like I've never sinned before, lose myself right out an open door, You are with me." "The invisible people agreed about everything. Indeed most of their remarks were the sort it would not be easy to disagree with: "What I always say is, when a chap's hungry, he likes some victuals," or "Getting dark now; always does at night," or even "Ah, you've come over the water. Powerful wet stuff, ain't it?"" -- C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader "When People object... that if Jesus was God as well as Man, then He had an unfair advantage which deprives Him for them of all value, it seems to me as if a man struggling in the water should refuse a rope thrown to him by another who had one foot on the bank, saying, "Oh but you had an unfair advantage." It is because of His advantage that He can help." "But, you know, as a Christian, one of the big questions you always ask yourself is, "So we believe in Jesus, we believe in the teachings of the church, but what does that look like when it's lived out?" Because surely, one of the things that Jesus said that I think we often overlook is, "The person who hears my words and does them is like the wise man who built his house on the rock." He didn't say "the person who hears my words and thinks about 'em" or "whoever hears my words and agrees with it." But he said, "Whoever hears it and does it." "find that which gives you breath and grants you more to give "I have packed all my belongings. I don't belong here anymore. This pair of sandles, one pack to carry, this old guitar and this tattered old Bible. And I know I won't be afraid. 'cause I know, I know Home is where You are." "Open up your weepy eyes, everyone is dancing. Angels peer through sweet disguise, through a fire of cleansing. "Long hair, no hair; Everybody, everywhere:
Breathe Deep, breathe deep the Breath of God!" "You may be bruised and torn and broken, but
you're Mine!" "I don't deserve to speak, and they don't deserve
to hear it. It's makin' me believe that it's not
about me." "Kickin' against these goads sure did cut up my
feet. Didn't your hands get bloody as you washed
them clean?" "They say God blessed us with plenty. I say
you?re blessed with poverty. ?Cause you never
stop to wonder whether earth is just a little
better than the Land of the Free" "Computers will know everything in the 21st
century. They'll be like me in the 20th
century." |
