C'est La Vie
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What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be. Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy. And I use these words pretty loosely. There's so much more to life than words..
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Wednesday, May 01, 2002
A few months ago, my roommate pointed out to me that I make a significant amount of generalizations. Practically, we find these generalizations in our world in the forms of racism, discrimination, etc. Many are very common: derogatory statements about female drivers (interestingly enough, male drivers statistically cause more accidents because they tend to be more reckless. Bad female drivers tend to be bad on the side of caution, where bad male drivers tend to be dangerous. But that's all statistics and statistics are only really good for so much in our world), the stereotype that most male convicts will have at least one ear piercing, the idea that those that dress in particularly anti-conformist ways (anti-conformist being a paradoxical phrase, but all the same -- the ways of dressing I'm referring to here are those that dress all in black, dress like hippies, or refuse to match) are harmful to our society, and the idea that people dressed in sophisticated ways are good for our society.
Generalizations we see as positive (such as the last I just listed, or the idea most caucasian Americans hold that all Asians are hard-working geniuses) are pretty nearly as harmful to life in general as those we know are negative. The idea that all Asians are hard-working geniuses, for example, puts a great deal of pressure on Asian students to get straight A's and to be superior to non-Asians in every work-or-mental-related area. The idea that if a man is wearing a suit he must be nice, educated, and able to help people is exactly why car and vacuum salesmen and con-men of all backgrounds are so easily able to take advantage of less-well-dressed citizens. The idea that if you have a great smile you must be a great person has brought ruin to many. (Not to mention that I don't often dress sophisticatedly, nor do I have a great smile, but I am educated and I tend to be, at least on the outside, what many people would classify as decent.) Generalizations we know are negative (all people that fit into class A must be bad in way 2) have their own issues, which have been the target of media attention over the past 20 or 30 years. Of course, most ideas implemented to combat the effects of long-held generalizations -- such efforts as Affirmative Action and positive stereotyping -- are simply a reversal-role of the same game, rather than actually changing our society and conditioning us not to care about uncontrollable or external factors. We have learned that, when there are two applicants for a job, it is more acceptable to employ the less-experienced one if he happens to be black (or the black man if he happens to be more experienced) than to seek the absolute best applicant regardless of color. We have been taught that convictions of right-and-wrong are intolerant and therefore need to be ousted. Where will the lines be drawn? So far, fortunately, our society does tend to favor some definitions of wrong -- child molestation, rape, and murder for example. The lines are continually being blurred, however, and it is dangerous where that is going. Meanwhile, I didn't start writing this entry to examine society's generalizations. I started writing to examine my own. There are many that I likely hold that I will not realize or understand until placed in a situation very different from those I have experienced. Having gone to primarily black schools from 6-9th grade, though, and having even been the victim of racism at each of those schools, I can honestly say that whether I'm in the majority or the minority as far as skin color statistics go, I have very few racist concepts embedded deep in my psyche. When I was a waitress at Applebee's, though, it became somewhat harder to keep it that way, as I would often overhear my tables with black customers explaining to each other that they didn't need to tip me as much because I was white. It is a constant struggle to remain unbiased while the recipient of racism, and that goes in all directions. I know many black people that have experienced terrifying amounts of racist action, and I know a number of Japanese people that are still being out-casted because of the atrocities at Pearl Harbor. Right now, there are a great number of Arabs in the United States that are being treated as sub-human due to the choices of other people that happened to be Arabs. Fortunately, I was raised in a very multi-cultural area by parents very appreciative of other cultures and willing to do what it took to make sure their children did not grow up with the same gross biases all too common in any society. All the same, I did gather some biased concepts on my own. One of the generalizations I made too often that offended my roommate was the idea that most wealthy people are not concerned enough with others, and are too materialistic. To be quite honest, this is one I still struggle with and am not making a great deal of progress in removing from my thoughts. It doesn't come up as often anymore, but I certainly don't give enough credit to the fact that a great number -- perhaps even the majority -- of people I would define as wealthy are very generous people doing their best to better our society. Along with holding some of my own prejudices, I also have not been willing enough to confront others about theirs. When my mother kicked me out when I was 17, my older brother and his then-girlfriend (now wife and mother of my beautiful niece) took me in. At that time, they smoked inside the house and were, as far as appearance goes, exactly the kind of people pushing the comfort zones of most Americans, especially those over 30. They went to clubs, they wore black (including leather), and their hair-styles were certainly not about to make the cover of Time or People in any positive way. Some of the things they did were even outside of my own comfort zone, to be honest. (They know this. But they also know that I loved them and accepted them all the same.) Despite how odd they looked and acted according to the status quo, they were the ones that cared for me for three very long months before (and even just after) I turned 18 and moved up here. They and their even-edgier friends were the ones that supported me, took me in, made sure I had food and a social life. These ones out-casted by the mainstream American church were the ones doing what the church should have been doing but wasn't. They were the ones that allowed God to work through them (though they wouldn't likely admit God's part in it) to provide for me during that time, and many times both before and after. On Good Friday, I went to a concert here with 5 bands. At the concert, I was sitting with the mother of a friend of mine and her co-worker. At the table in front of us, my friend was sitting with a girl that was wearing almost all black, had fairly pale skin, and looked in general very much like my brother's wife has at some points. Before Matthew sat down with her, I leaned over to mention, casually, that I knew he was about to sit down next to her, which just happened to mean he'd accidentally steal the seat of another gothically-dressed young man. I just know Matt and knew that he'd sit there, and it was the predictability that interested me. But his mother and her co-worker began talking about how she was dressed and how his mother hoped that this girl was not a romantic interest of Matt. I so wanted to ask them why they thought this way, why they were judging her based on how she looked (I myself have received plenty of criticism for various wardrobe choices throughout my life, and as I mentioned, those that helped me the most were the very same people that are out-casted because of how they look), and why she would be so horrified if Matt *was* attracted to this girl. I, myself, hadn't had a conversation with her, but I did watch Matt and others talking to her earlier (I'm a people watcher) and she seemed perfectly nice and well-educated to me. Yet, her appearance would make her a bad romantic choice? And when her gothically-dressed friend came back to the table (having to pull up another chair since Matt stole his), the comments got more colorful, and louder. I was ashamed to be sitting at the table, and I very much wanted to explain to them how narrow-minded and unChristian their statements were. Yet I remained silent. I just fumed inside and let them go on talking. This from the same girl that has plenty to say about almost any subject known to mankind, who talks so much that strangers can learn her life story the first time they ride with her in a car. Silence. Deafening silence, at that. Just sitting there, doing nothing at all. I often quote the GIJoe line, "Knowing is half the battle." When I ask what the other half is (it's a great conversation starter/refresher), the usual answer is "acting". (My personal answer is carcasm, but that's another already-told story.) I do believe the other half is taking action, and that day I knew perfectly well what I should have done and I didn't take action. And every day I know perfectly well that my prejudices (while said, in my communications textbook, to be a necessary preventive effort against insanity -- because we must classify people into groups since our brain doesn't have the ability to remember them all individually and remember all their individual characteristics and everything .. which makes me wonder if the 90% of brain power we're told goes unused might have a purpose we're not willing to explore) are harmful to myself and my relationships with others, and yet I have not taken enough action to be ride of them. "Hallelujah, praise the Lord, He's so patient with us all." -- Andrew Peterson, Mohawks on the Scaffolding.
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Hippie: (after hearing Max wants to avoid the draft)You still have options man. "So how do i do normal "It's been known for a train to jump its track. It's ok, so you'll know, most times they come back. It's ok to lose your life, when you finally see your birth. It's ok to say, "I love you," and figure sometimes it's gonna hurt. "As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes, all exciting at first, but then by the end you're sick of 'em!" "Hey, this is weird! I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don't happen to like frozen yogurt, do you?" "I love it!" "You're kidding! What a crazy random happenstance!" "Only one more trip," said a gallant seaman, "It was Flannery O'Connor who said that 'grace must wound before it heals.' Her words help me to separate what is most true about life from the things we want to be true. We want life to be painless. True grace is a hard sell because in order for the human heart to understand forgiveness and love, it must first experience darkness and isolation. A life lived under the rule of grace is a life of need which allows us to receive an appreciate the gift of the giver of grace. This is why we will always have the poor with us; this is why God will not allow us to ignore injustice; this is why we are called to a life we cannot handle alone, which can and will break us in the effort to live it -- because grace must wound before it heals." Regarding 2007: Should auld acquaintance be forgot, I thought Christmas Day would never come. But it's here at last, so Mom and Dad, the waiting's finally done. And you gotta get up, you gotta get up, you gotta get up, it's Christmas morning. O little town of Bethlehem, Walk humbly, son Strings of lights above the bed "In a little while I'll feel better "Please tell me once again that You love me. That You love me. Please tell me once again that I matter to You and You really care. Please tell me once again that You're with me, forever. It's not that I could ever doubt you, I just love the way it sounds. I just love the way it sounds." "Every once in a while, a bannerzen posts." "7:30. What kind of people have to be at work at 7:30?" have you seen my love Traveling is significant because it takes so much effort. Either you're going to some place you love, or you're leaving some place you love. Usually it's both. I think I have Bond's ability to get into trouble but not his ability to get out of it. Someday I'll be in some foreign country with 5 thugs with automatic rifles pointed at me, and I'll just.... fart "You had no alternative .. We must work in the world. The world is thus." --- "No .. Thus have we made the world." The summer ends and we wonder where we are And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car And you both look so young And last night was hard, you said You packed up every room And then you cried and went to bed But today you closed the door and said "We have to get a move on. It's just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead, We push ourselves ahead." Looking out the bedroom at this snowy TV.. ever since commencement, no one's asking 'bout me. But I bet before the night falls, I could catch the late bus.. take small provisions and this Beethoven bust. I could find work in the outskirts of the city, eat some fish on the way.. befriend an old dog for a roadside pal, find a nice couch to stay -- a pull-out sofa, if you please!" Ooh! Get me away from here I'm dying "The trouble with folks like Brownie is they hold their life in like a bakebean fart at a Baptist cookout and only let it slip out sideways a little at a time when they think there's nobody noticing. Now that's the last thing on earth the Almighty intended. He intended all the life a man's got inside him, he should live it out just as free and strong and natural as a bird." "Life is a phantasmagoria .. It is a pell-mell of confused and tumultuous scenes. We try in vain to find a purpose - to bring an order, a unity to life. I suppose that is the appeal of art. Art is the blending of the real and the unreal, the conquering of nature. It is real enough for it to reflect life, but has the unity that life lacks." "in time memories fade. I've always had this feeling about Patty that she's complex and intriguing...I like Patty alot. She's got a good heart and tells terrible squirrel jokes. "Try to remember that world-weariness isn't necessarily a bad thing. In the book of Mark, I think its Mark, Jesus looks at a blind man and sighs. Jesus sighed before even telling the man he would be healed. He sighed, and I'm not sure that there's a much more human expression of frustration than this. Faced with the horrid picture of a cursed earth and looking into the white eyes of a man blind from the day he was born, He sighed. The Creator of the universe in human form was sad "of the evils of this world," the world He created. Your Creator sighed for you in the same way before He healed you and made you His." After the last secret's told After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone After the last child starves And the last girl walks the boulevard After the last year that's just too hard There is love -- Andrew Peterson, After the Last Tear Falls "when you most need people, you don't need perfection - just to know someone gives a damn" "A CALL TO ACTION: "My brother's always [telling me], 'You should be more mysterious--boys like that.' But I'm not good at that. It would just make me more uncomfortable." "Loners want to kill you, but not for any particular reason, and they'd probably like you if they weren't being guided by the violent voices in their head." "No one wants to oil a snake these days!"
-- Her mom: "We're all safe." -- Jamie Bevill and her mother during Christmas-Decorating dinner, December 20, 2002 i'd throw out all my shoes i'd set up cans for friends to dump their shoes senseless shoes a pioneer of callouses lordy-be and bless my soul i'd be a barefoot spaceman the first you'd ever know" "The best way to have God's will for your life is to have no will of your own!" "Generations circle and each one atones. The sins of the father are seperate from my own. In Pilgrim's Progress, it's forgiveness that makes whole, and as time levels and consoles, I place the daisies in your bowl." "For a moment he just stared at her. Then, with an urf-urf-urf of laughter, he turned back to the controls." "It's on the internet.. so, then, it must be true." "Be at least as interested in what people can become as you are in what they have been." Blessed be the rock stars!" Get up for the shower.. wash and scrub and scour every part as if a cleaner man could better bear the shame.. "She was eating gnarly amounts of calcium." Homeless man to girl trying to give him money: "No, thanks, ma'am. I never work on Sundays." "Wow! I never thought I'd need a radar-guided spatula!" "Isn't it great that I articulate? Isn't it grand that you can understand? ... I can talk, I can talk, I can talk!" I believe that people laugh at coincidence as a way of relegating it to the realm of the absurd and of therefore not having to take seriously the possibility that there is a lot more going on in our lives than we either know or care to know... I suspect that part of it, anyway, is that every once and so often we hear a whisper from the wings that goes something like this: "You've turned up in the right place at the right time. You're doing fine. Don't ever think that you've been forgotten. When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of "No answer." It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, "Peace, child; you don't understand." CCM: You've spoken a lot more about crying than I ever thought you would. "Youth is not a period of time. It is a state of mind, a result of the will, a quality of the imagination, a victory of courage over timidity, of the taste for adventure over the love of comfort. A man doesn't grow old because he has lived a certain number of years. A man grows old when he deserts his ideal. The years may wrinkle his skin, but deserting his ideal wrinkles his soul. Preoccuptaions, fears, doubts, and despair are the enemies which slowly bow us toward earth and turn us into dust before death. You will remain young as long as you are open to what is beautiful, good, and great; receptive to the messages of other men and women, of nature and of God. If one day you should become bitter, pessimistic, and gnawed by despair, may God have mercy on your old man's soul." ""Don't go matchmaking for me, Ilse," said Emily wit a faint smile... "I feel in my bones that I shall achieve old-maidenhood, which is an entirely different thing from having old-maidenhood thrust upon you." "I wish Aunt Elizabeth would let me go to Shrewsbury, but I fear she never will. She feels she can't trust me out of her sight because my mother eloped. But she need not be afraid I will ever elope. I have made up my mind that I will never marry. I shall be wedded to my art" "Tomorrow seems like a long ways away. But it will come, just like any other day... Deep inside, where the wounded creatures hide, I am afraid. Maybe I got lost somewhere along the way somehow. Please rescue me... Yea, though I walk through the valley of the dark shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me... Though I fear, though I am afraid, You are with me. Though I'm angry, tired, broken down and confused, You are with me. Though I sin like I've never sinned before, lose myself right out an open door, You are with me." "The invisible people agreed about everything. Indeed most of their remarks were the sort it would not be easy to disagree with: "What I always say is, when a chap's hungry, he likes some victuals," or "Getting dark now; always does at night," or even "Ah, you've come over the water. Powerful wet stuff, ain't it?"" -- C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader "When People object... that if Jesus was God as well as Man, then He had an unfair advantage which deprives Him for them of all value, it seems to me as if a man struggling in the water should refuse a rope thrown to him by another who had one foot on the bank, saying, "Oh but you had an unfair advantage." It is because of His advantage that He can help." "But, you know, as a Christian, one of the big questions you always ask yourself is, "So we believe in Jesus, we believe in the teachings of the church, but what does that look like when it's lived out?" Because surely, one of the things that Jesus said that I think we often overlook is, "The person who hears my words and does them is like the wise man who built his house on the rock." He didn't say "the person who hears my words and thinks about 'em" or "whoever hears my words and agrees with it." But he said, "Whoever hears it and does it." "find that which gives you breath and grants you more to give "I have packed all my belongings. I don't belong here anymore. This pair of sandles, one pack to carry, this old guitar and this tattered old Bible. And I know I won't be afraid. 'cause I know, I know Home is where You are." "Open up your weepy eyes, everyone is dancing. Angels peer through sweet disguise, through a fire of cleansing. "Long hair, no hair; Everybody, everywhere:
Breathe Deep, breathe deep the Breath of God!" "You may be bruised and torn and broken, but
you're Mine!" "I don't deserve to speak, and they don't deserve
to hear it. It's makin' me believe that it's not
about me." "Kickin' against these goads sure did cut up my
feet. Didn't your hands get bloody as you washed
them clean?" "They say God blessed us with plenty. I say
you?re blessed with poverty. ?Cause you never
stop to wonder whether earth is just a little
better than the Land of the Free" "Computers will know everything in the 21st
century. They'll be like me in the 20th
century." |
