Ok, so things were busy and a bit rough before I went on leave. And then I had this really great trip, and I felt SO refreshed, and I did a lot to try to relax as well as spend time with loved ones and accomplish the main points of the trip...... but the relaxing was more of a priority this time than it has been on some past trips (when hanging out with friends at any cost was a priority, through which experienced I learned that I am not going to keep my friends if I don't make myself not hang out with people sometimes)....

Since coming back, things have been REALLY busy, and quite a bit rougher, which is saying a lot. So it feels like it's already been almost a year since that trip (which is a vague memory now) and I've seen stress manifesting itself in ways other than being a bad friend. Which may be partly because I don't have many friends here, and may equally be WHY I don't have many friends here.

Anyway, the point is that it's been busy. Like, crazy busy. And that I have been coming home most nights so exhausted and with so many examples from throughout the day (or ongoing fruition of long-term events) of why things are stressful for me --- even though they really shouldn't be. Like, I do nothing important. But I have a bully boss, and so in doing nothing important, I still get yelled at a lot whether I am Too Proactive or Never Take Initiative. Really a can't-win situation... but that's what bully bosses do. And this has been a week in particular when I've been given so much unsolicited advice about things ... my favorite was yesterday or the day before, when I was being told about how I need to delegate things for the Multicultural Group for which I'm a chairperson. And when I delegate, I need to just leave it. "Dude, seriously, I'm the friggin chairperson! So yes, I have delegated, and the people don't do what they're supposed to, and some of that involves things that could be legal trouble if it doesn't get followed up on... so whether I remind the person over and over and over and finally do it myself, or whether I do it myself, either way there is only so much delegating I can do when someone simply doesn't hold up their end of the bargain." I'm not really a workaholic, and I'm not really a perfectionist, but those are two things I've been getting throughout my career all the time... I never once had coworkers in the past (before I joined) say I was either. I know myself to be an underachiever overall, and very laid back or even-keel. Not here, though.

So tonight was one of those nights when I came home in a really foul mood and when I just wanted to lie on a pile of laundry and cry for a while. And instead, I mustered all my strength and pulled my best smile-mask out of the song we sang in the Brownies, and went to a going-away dinner for a coworker. And I had a wonderful time. And we all laughed a lot, and I got a standing invite to future going-away parties for that crowd, which will be handy since I'll never be going away myself.

But I came home and still am so exhausted and so tired (which are not the same things) and so ... gosh, it's just been rough lately.

I'm glad for the dinner out, though. I don't think starting off the weekend by staying in and probably moping all day tomorrow would have been a good idea. So now I'll go to bed and hope that I wake up a little refreshed. And here's to hoping that the bullying will eventually calm down (and he transfers eventually... just not soon enough) and that the rest of my oversized tour goes better.